As an object lesson that marriage doesn't guarantee that you'll always have a date for V-day, I spent my Valentine's day re-reading Stephenie Meyer and listening to Jewel. Alone. Waaaaaa
But seriously, I am so proud of my husband for making the trek up to South Dakota to be with his family as they celebrate the long life of his Grandpa Bud. I really admire his devotion to his family.
Gosh, I was going to go on a long list of all the things I love about my husband, but it just seems too personal. All I can say is, this has been the best year of our marriage, thanks Honey!
Showing posts with label Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Show all posts
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, December 5, 2008
Recovering Whiner
Do you want your sweetheart to come home to this?
The following letter reminded me of who I once was (a whiny housewife who took no fiscal responsiblity). We don't own a house yet and spent our first 2 years in a 1-bedroom apt. You may ask, why don't we own a home when interest rates are so great and my husband has a great job and we live in an area with low housing prices? Because I personally think the breadwinner's salary should be 30% annually of what the house loan is, before a 20% downpayment. I hate the idea of being housepoor. Or worse, upside down in a house! But before I grew up and got serious about our finances, I didn't understand why I couldn't have a house. I mean, come on, I'm a married woman, I DESERVED it. Enough ranting, here's the letter that inspired me to be a better person.)
Dear Dr. Laura,
I have read a few of your books and I've intended to write after I've read each one. I'm in the middle of "Stop Whining, Start Living"
I had an "aha moment" before I picked up your book, but I see myself so much more clearly. I am 24 years old, married with a 7 month old son. I have an amazing husband and I didn't realize how my whining was really affecting him. Since I am a stay-at-home mom, and we are still paying on our medical bills, we are living quite frugally. Usually, I can 'count my blessings' and be okay with living in our 1 bedroom apartment. Occasionally though, I will go on venting my anger about being here. One such night, I was going on and on about how much I hate where we live. That is when I noticed the hurt look on my husband's face. I realized at that moment what he was actually hearing through my words. The conversation to me sounded like, "I'm just mad at our situation and disappointed that we're not where we want to be." To him it must have sounded like, "I'm disappointed in you as a man. You can't provide for your family the way you should be. You're stupid and a failure."
I apologized profusely the next morning. I also realized that my words are not enough. I need to keep my end of our bargain. I stay at home, but our house is typically very messy. I know that this bothers my husband. He comes home very frustrated when he trips over shoes or the dishes are piled high. I have decided to STOP WHINING and start taking care of this little apartment like it is the mansion of my dreams!!
The following letter reminded me of who I once was (a whiny housewife who took no fiscal responsiblity). We don't own a house yet and spent our first 2 years in a 1-bedroom apt. You may ask, why don't we own a home when interest rates are so great and my husband has a great job and we live in an area with low housing prices? Because I personally think the breadwinner's salary should be 30% annually of what the house loan is, before a 20% downpayment. I hate the idea of being housepoor. Or worse, upside down in a house! But before I grew up and got serious about our finances, I didn't understand why I couldn't have a house. I mean, come on, I'm a married woman, I DESERVED it. Enough ranting, here's the letter that inspired me to be a better person.)
Dear Dr. Laura,
I have read a few of your books and I've intended to write after I've read each one. I'm in the middle of "Stop Whining, Start Living"
I had an "aha moment" before I picked up your book, but I see myself so much more clearly. I am 24 years old, married with a 7 month old son. I have an amazing husband and I didn't realize how my whining was really affecting him. Since I am a stay-at-home mom, and we are still paying on our medical bills, we are living quite frugally. Usually, I can 'count my blessings' and be okay with living in our 1 bedroom apartment. Occasionally though, I will go on venting my anger about being here. One such night, I was going on and on about how much I hate where we live. That is when I noticed the hurt look on my husband's face. I realized at that moment what he was actually hearing through my words. The conversation to me sounded like, "I'm just mad at our situation and disappointed that we're not where we want to be." To him it must have sounded like, "I'm disappointed in you as a man. You can't provide for your family the way you should be. You're stupid and a failure."
I apologized profusely the next morning. I also realized that my words are not enough. I need to keep my end of our bargain. I stay at home, but our house is typically very messy. I know that this bothers my husband. He comes home very frustrated when he trips over shoes or the dishes are piled high. I have decided to STOP WHINING and start taking care of this little apartment like it is the mansion of my dreams!!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Math and Marriage
People need a basic level of emotional, mental, and spiritual health if they are to get married.
"A marriage is not an addition of two people it is a multiplication. For example, if two healthy people marry, they do not have 1 + 1 = 2 relationships. They, as a couple, have 1 x 1 = 1 (whole) relationship. As the math shows, their marital relationship will be fulfilling and complete.
"On the other hand, if just one person in the relationship is not healthy, then the couple has 1 x 1/2 = 1/2 of a relationship. And if both people are not healthy, then the couple has just 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4 of a relationship."
So, with this example, you can see how an individual's level of mental, emotional, psychological, and intellectual health INVERSELY affects the overall quality of a couple's relationship.
--From a letter on Dr. Laura Schlessinger's website
"A marriage is not an addition of two people it is a multiplication. For example, if two healthy people marry, they do not have 1 + 1 = 2 relationships. They, as a couple, have 1 x 1 = 1 (whole) relationship. As the math shows, their marital relationship will be fulfilling and complete.
"On the other hand, if just one person in the relationship is not healthy, then the couple has 1 x 1/2 = 1/2 of a relationship. And if both people are not healthy, then the couple has just 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4 of a relationship."
So, with this example, you can see how an individual's level of mental, emotional, psychological, and intellectual health INVERSELY affects the overall quality of a couple's relationship.
--From a letter on Dr. Laura Schlessinger's website
Friday, July 4, 2008
How do you deal with a less than lovely wife?
This is not original. I got this from Dr. Laura Schlessinger's website. I felt so bad for this guy and promised myself I would never let myself get this crabby.
How Do You Deal With A Less Than Lovely Wife
Dr Laura:
Upon hearing some advice you gave a caller the other day, I decided to pull out all the stops for my wife.
Knowing she had to work a little late a few nights ago, I decided to get a bag of Hershey kisses; line them from the garage door, where I knew she would enter, and line them all the way to the bedroom where I would be waiting (clothed: ready for anything she may want to engage in but not pressuring) ready to give her a big kiss when she walked in the room. I had prepared some snacks and had a bottle of wine and was ready to rub her feet and let her talk to me about her day.
She walks in, I am so nervous and giddy from my preparation, and she slowly makes her way through the candlelight-Hershey kiss path and into the room.
I say, "welcome home honey; sorry you had a long day" and give her a little kiss. So used to being a grump, her first comment is "how many of these Hershey kisses did you eat in the process?" and walks into her closet to get undressed. Dressed in her Muumuu she comes back out. I offer to get her a drink, perhaps a glass of wine, and she says, "I can't drink, I have to work tomorrow" I offer her anything in the world she wants to drink, whether that be a Slurpee at 7-11 or a Starbucks Frappucino. She says she is not thirsty and plops herself at her computer. She then keeps looking at the Hershey path and says, "are you cleaning this up, or me?" I easily clean up the path in less then 60 seconds and retire to my room. 5 minutes later I come out of the bedroom to see her getting a diet coke from the fridge.
I just don't know how to make her happy anymore.
How Do You Deal With A Less Than Lovely Wife
Dr Laura:
Upon hearing some advice you gave a caller the other day, I decided to pull out all the stops for my wife.
Knowing she had to work a little late a few nights ago, I decided to get a bag of Hershey kisses; line them from the garage door, where I knew she would enter, and line them all the way to the bedroom where I would be waiting (clothed: ready for anything she may want to engage in but not pressuring) ready to give her a big kiss when she walked in the room. I had prepared some snacks and had a bottle of wine and was ready to rub her feet and let her talk to me about her day.
She walks in, I am so nervous and giddy from my preparation, and she slowly makes her way through the candlelight-Hershey kiss path and into the room.
I say, "welcome home honey; sorry you had a long day" and give her a little kiss. So used to being a grump, her first comment is "how many of these Hershey kisses did you eat in the process?" and walks into her closet to get undressed. Dressed in her Muumuu she comes back out. I offer to get her a drink, perhaps a glass of wine, and she says, "I can't drink, I have to work tomorrow" I offer her anything in the world she wants to drink, whether that be a Slurpee at 7-11 or a Starbucks Frappucino. She says she is not thirsty and plops herself at her computer. She then keeps looking at the Hershey path and says, "are you cleaning this up, or me?" I easily clean up the path in less then 60 seconds and retire to my room. 5 minutes later I come out of the bedroom to see her getting a diet coke from the fridge.
I just don't know how to make her happy anymore.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
New Section on the Site
I'm pretty sure most of the people who read this site are married. My husband is an absolute prince, and I try to tell him that every day. He is everything I ever hoped for and more.
I have a lot of fun messing with my husband's mind. I can't give away all my secrets, but in case you are interested, I will be posting from time to time about the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. There's no need to bother with the Proper Care and Feeding of Wives because let's be honest, no matter what a guy does, if his woman wants to stay mad, then she'll hold on to that emotion with the talons of a harpy.
The following is a letter written to the Dr. Laura Schlessinger radio show which is very similar to my own experience:
When I was married for a few years I allowed myself to take the attitude of "I'm lost." I spun around unfulfilled and I ceased cooking dinners, cleaning, and doing all of the things I did when I was first married and things were fun. Hence, my me-me-me attitude was born.
So after considering that I may have to go take an antidepressant Happy Pill to rid myself of this new malaise, I decided to read your book. What I have learned from reading (twice) "The Care and Feeding of Marriage" and listening to your sage advice: Do it anyway with love no matter how you feel. Even though I was tired, even though I kept having these woe-is-me-nobody-knows-yuckyuckyuck thoughts, I decided to have a new outlook. I just would not give in to the junk in my brain's inbox. Why? You wrote a sentence that I will never forget for the rest of my life and it is like this: It is my moral prerogative NOT to be depressed. What? Really? You mean I should think contentedly on purpose? That I should not spew my OPINION everywhere because I can? But every woman in my life is down and complains all the time. You mean that I have to have self-control. My goodness.
I do not know why, but it changed my life. This last forty days of Lent, with help from the Lord with prayer, I completely turned my life around. I never took drugs, drank, or did any of the acknowledged social mess-ups. I was just killing my marriage softly with my thoughts of "Well, humph, if I 'suffer' so can you," to my dear, sweet, amazing husband. I cannot believe that I had been doing it! He's awesome. He slays dragons. He brings home the bacon so that I can feed and clothe our family. He is HOT. And I was treating him softly, slowly, like a jerk. It is like salt. A little salt is okay, but douse your dish with it for too long and you can never get the food to taste right again. I could have been that woman that "insalted" my man to the point of no return. I was not horrible by any means- I never put him down and tried to build him up- but I never gave him credit in my heart for doing all the things that he is "supposed to be doing."
On to Lent. I tell you this because I am a home-cooking wife exclusively now. No more take out. No more dragging our darling baby in public and trying to make the situation pleasant. I made him breakfast and dinner for forty days. Forty days to a new life. I cooked for him because I LOVE HIM. I cleaned for him because I LOVE HIM. We had as much "us" time as he wanted, and I initiated, joyfully, when he had not asked! All of a sudden- I had fulfillment. We got back into the fun of being married. Now I have purpose. I have two advanced degrees, but when he called me from work the other day and said, and I quote, "You are the best wife ever and I am so happy to be married to you- I cannot wait to see you, Babe," it was the best accomplishment of my life. I appreciate and acknowledge him, and he appreciates and acknowledges me.
I have a lot of fun messing with my husband's mind. I can't give away all my secrets, but in case you are interested, I will be posting from time to time about the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. There's no need to bother with the Proper Care and Feeding of Wives because let's be honest, no matter what a guy does, if his woman wants to stay mad, then she'll hold on to that emotion with the talons of a harpy.
The following is a letter written to the Dr. Laura Schlessinger radio show which is very similar to my own experience:
When I was married for a few years I allowed myself to take the attitude of "I'm lost." I spun around unfulfilled and I ceased cooking dinners, cleaning, and doing all of the things I did when I was first married and things were fun. Hence, my me-me-me attitude was born.
So after considering that I may have to go take an antidepressant Happy Pill to rid myself of this new malaise, I decided to read your book. What I have learned from reading (twice) "The Care and Feeding of Marriage" and listening to your sage advice: Do it anyway with love no matter how you feel. Even though I was tired, even though I kept having these woe-is-me-nobody-knows-yuckyuckyuck thoughts, I decided to have a new outlook. I just would not give in to the junk in my brain's inbox. Why? You wrote a sentence that I will never forget for the rest of my life and it is like this: It is my moral prerogative NOT to be depressed. What? Really? You mean I should think contentedly on purpose? That I should not spew my OPINION everywhere because I can? But every woman in my life is down and complains all the time. You mean that I have to have self-control. My goodness.
I do not know why, but it changed my life. This last forty days of Lent, with help from the Lord with prayer, I completely turned my life around. I never took drugs, drank, or did any of the acknowledged social mess-ups. I was just killing my marriage softly with my thoughts of "Well, humph, if I 'suffer' so can you," to my dear, sweet, amazing husband. I cannot believe that I had been doing it! He's awesome. He slays dragons. He brings home the bacon so that I can feed and clothe our family. He is HOT. And I was treating him softly, slowly, like a jerk. It is like salt. A little salt is okay, but douse your dish with it for too long and you can never get the food to taste right again. I could have been that woman that "insalted" my man to the point of no return. I was not horrible by any means- I never put him down and tried to build him up- but I never gave him credit in my heart for doing all the things that he is "supposed to be doing."
On to Lent. I tell you this because I am a home-cooking wife exclusively now. No more take out. No more dragging our darling baby in public and trying to make the situation pleasant. I made him breakfast and dinner for forty days. Forty days to a new life. I cooked for him because I LOVE HIM. I cleaned for him because I LOVE HIM. We had as much "us" time as he wanted, and I initiated, joyfully, when he had not asked! All of a sudden- I had fulfillment. We got back into the fun of being married. Now I have purpose. I have two advanced degrees, but when he called me from work the other day and said, and I quote, "You are the best wife ever and I am so happy to be married to you- I cannot wait to see you, Babe," it was the best accomplishment of my life. I appreciate and acknowledge him, and he appreciates and acknowledges me.
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